The pandemic has been amplifying the feelings of isolation and loneliness for a lot of people. If you’re sensitive to begin with, this sense of disconnection can be overwhelming. That’s why I wanted to give you some tips on how to create more love and intimacy in your life (whether you’re alone or with someone).
What is Intimacy?
The classic definition is “closeness, familiarity”. We achieve closeness by allowing others and ourselves to be close. That can be said another way: not keeping people at arm’s length. During these times we can’t physically be close, but that is not what I’m referring to. Closeness and intimacy is a feeling of safety, common ground and sharing a moment together.
I understand that there are many factors that go into trusting someone to be close to you emotionally and in other ways. You may not feel ready to open your heart completely to someone or to family members. Yet.
Start small and pick your...
How do you deal with being single: a) when you don’t want to be b) COVID makes everything weird c) this was supposed to be your year?
Regardless of the fact that plenty of people are in the same boat as you, Hallmark Cards, Lindt Chocolate and De Beers Diamonds want you to feel like you’re the only alien who hasn’t found someone to love yet.Before we continue, I want you to know a few things.
First of all, this post is not meant to solve all your problems (or any of them actually).
And this post may not change your life (I am OPEN to someone contacting me after reading this and being like, “omg, your post changed my life!”)
What my intention is with this post is to make you laugh and lighten the heaviness in your heart for a few minutes, like the Cat Lawyer video did: “I’m on live. I’m not a cat.” (seriously, if you haven’t seen the video I’m talking about, after you read this post, go watch it)
Communication is Key
This may seem like an overly simplistic point, but communication is one thing we seem to struggle with as a society. All you have to do is take a look at the shouting matches on social media to see that we are not the best communicators. Now add in a struggle to be yourself and feel safe and loved as a people pleaser, and you have a recipe for anxious or avoidant communication.
What is Healthy Communication?
Communication is akin to expression. When we communicate, we are telling ourselves and others who we are. If we have a fear of showing up as ourselves, we are not going to be able to communicate authentically and in a healthy way.
To that point, healthy communication is about true awareness of self:
What do I want?
How can I express myself in the world that feels good?
What is my message?
What needs to be taken care of?
What are the Fears that Stop Authentic Communication?
1. Fear #1: If I say what I think, my friend will not like me and I will be rejected.
This fear is not just for high school students: people pleasers feel like this until they are old and grey. Because the number one goal of a people pleaser is to be liked, being liked takes precedence over being real. Depending on your level of fear as a people pleaser, you can play this out in an extreme way or a subtle way.
Subtle: You agree with your friend when she suggests restaurants, movies or activities because you have an unspoken agreement that you don’t disagree with your friend. You are able to express your emotions and have honest conversations otherwise.
Extreme: You are friends with someone who organizes and runs the whole premise of the relationship. In other words, your friend sets the pace, mood and context for everything. You don’t express true feelings and the friendship is one-sided and you feel unsupported.
2. Fear #2: My friend will get...
You Are Too Overwhelmed by Other People
What I know to be true as a Healer who Empowers People Pleasers to love themselves and have loving relationships is that People Pleasers are very intuitive. In fact, they have highly developed abilities as an empath and feel other people’s emotions so much that they are practically living inside other people's bodies. The problem is their intuition gets drowned out by other people’s emotions and experiences; they spend much of their time getting back to themselves, if at all.
You Listen to the Saboteur in Your Head
Another issue is that People Pleasers have a history of being made wrong or their feelings and experiences have been denied. They internalize an inner critic that is so loud it becomes the only voice they follow for guidance. In other words, they follow the voice that says, “you can never have love” instead of the gentle voice that says, “you deserve to be cherished.”
Are you aware of how people pleasing is influencing the types of relationships you have (or don’t have)?
Before I started my journey of self-empowerment, a friend of mine gave me a book by Melody Beattie on Codependency. I remember throwing it away in a huff. How dare she?! I’m a super nice person and anyone would be lucky to have me! I don’t have a problem with relationships, it’s just that there are no single guys in Vancouver (insert your city here). This is the kind of thinking that set me on a toxic relationship merri-go-round of dysfunctional relationships and long periods of isolation for 25+ years.
If you’re open and willing to learn about People Pleasing in a way that is not entirely pleasant, you can save yourself years of heartache! Read on for more.
Here is How People Pleasing Hurts Your Chances of Having a Loving Relationship (that you may not realize is even a thing!)
1. You take too long to get away from people who...
If you feel like no matter what you do, you attract the same relationships, keep reading!
I know how it feels when you try really hard to have a new experience in relationships and you meet an awesome guy, then two weeks later he turns out to be exactly like your ex.
Ugh.And you even went out and bought all those manifesting love candles and crystals, but the Universe got it SO wrong.
The problem is that you are trying to attract someone different but you haven’t found a different space within yourself. I’ve outlined a powerful process below that I’ve used to manifest the love of my life and I’ve helped my clients with as well.
Empowered Love Manifesting
Empowered Love Manifesting is bringing in the love that you want from a place of being aware, accepting and connected to yourself.
Empowered Love Manifesting brings you what you truly desire, not the people pleasing version of what you...
Happy New Year!! 2021 is Upon Us
As we breathe a collective sigh across the world, we welcome in the new year. You may have seen my blog post, talking about Bye Felicia 2020; today I want to give some tips on how to welcome in the new year so that you feel grounded, calm and open.
New Year Resolutions vs Intentions
Resolutions are quasi-promises we make to ourselves or someone else that is usually short lived. They have a vibe of “this will never happen anyway so I might as well promise that I’ll do it.”
Intentions are purposeful, powerful, energetic waves that are sent out into the world. An intention is poetry in motion and our intimate conversation with the Divine. There is no fear, there is no pressured promise. Only a strong wave of conviction that sets you up for success.
How to Make an Intention
This week my intention is to inspire you and help you see that life and love can be magical, no matter what is going on around you.
Last week I talked about the dumpster fire that is 2020 and this week I want to balance things out by infusing your life or just the next ten minutes, with positivity and happiness! I’m not talking about Pollyanna and her hyper-happiness. This is the good stuff, rooting in reality and awareness.
I had time with my fiance and he was still paid--in other words, he was working less time because of the pandemic but getting the same pay. I also had money when it was needed and kept my business running because it was online already. We had quality time together. No chaos and money drama like I’ve had in the past. If you had known me even 5 years ago, I would’ve been lamenting about missed payments, lost checks in the mail, unexpected expenses weighing me down, etc. Not anymore!
Are you ready to say Bye Felicia to the Dumpster fire that is 2020?
We CAN be grateful for things that shifted for the better this year and still be incredibly relieved to see the back end of 2020!
This is a review of my year so you can think about it for yourself and tune into what you want to take into 2021 and what you want to leave behind.
My 2020 in Review: Lessons and Ups and Downs
January: I decided to take my presently 100% online healing business to the streets. I mapped out the entire year for workshops, retreats and in-person venues. Feeling pretty excited and confident. I told my clients that I would be stopping 1:1 work and focusing on group experiences and in person work.
February: Finishing up with clients and making the transition to in-person life. Hearing grumblings of a strange flu in China. I decide to dismiss this as paranoia and hey, it’s China, so far away and hope all is well, but not going to let it worry me. We find out our dog...