Top 7 Ways People Pleasers Need to Be to Find Their Soulmate (and Stop Attracting Narcissists)

What is a True Soulmate?

If you’re anything like me you’ve followed Spiritual/New Age-ish teachers and websites where healers talked a lot about Soulmates. Back then (circa 2008), the idea of attracting your Soulmate terrified me. “Dark night of the soul” and “mirrors all your darkest stuff back to you” did not conjure up romantic walks on the beach and feelings of bliss. No one in their right mind would want to find a soulmate. That’s why as a Healer who has been around the block and suffered enough Dark Nights of the Soul to choke a horse, I am putting forward a more palatable definition of what I call a True Soulmate. And as someone who has found my True Soulmate, who lights up my life and we’re getting married in December, here is a definition you can go by. Your TRUE SOULMATE is someone who:

  • Is stable and aware in mind/body/soul
  • Cherishes you
  • Understands you
  • Loves you with all their heart
  • Is committed and loyal to you
  • Treats...
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Here are 3 Ways People Pleasers Can Attract a Partner Who Cherishes Them Without Losing Their Independence

Hint: it has nothing to do with the other person and the work you do before you even start dating is the most important

Face Your Truth

If you think I’m going to talk about being positive and doing your affirmations you may be pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised. No, this is the inner work that comes even before that. Before you get clear on who you want to be with and the type of person you want to have in your life, you need to look at what you are experiencing right now.

What is in your environment is a by-product of your beliefs about yourself, your family conditioning and past experiences. The way you live your life on a regular basis creates what you are experiencing right now.

Deep dive exercise:

Take out your journal and get real with yourself. Nothing good ever gets created from being unaware of yourself and your surroundings (emotionally, physically and spiritually). Here are examples of questions you can ask yourself to get to the reality of your life:

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People Pleasers Will Save the World

Today, I realized that we have things all wrong. The world is a messy entanglement of opposition, conflict and cancel culture. The popular response to most things we don’t agree with is to fight it out--see who can yell the loudest about who is right. The more divisive and mean the argument style, the more victorious the arguer seems to be. Like we used to say in high school: ooooh buuuurrrrnnn. We see this mounting callousness coming towards us like a runaway train. Yet, all we can do is look on in horror and shield our eyes. 

Society seems to tell us the louder and meaner we can be, the better off we are. Well, guess what? That’s a race to the bottom. That’s why I’m sending out a plea to all my fellow people pleasers (I call you Empowered People Pleasers, or EPPYS for short). We need you to save the world.

Save, not Sabotage or Self-Abandon

Let me be clear, I don’t want you to run out and do what I did for the first 30ish years of my life:...

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What is your Truth Speaker Archetype?

Learn from your Archetype, so you can speak your truth with more confidence and feel more alive and supported being you!

What is an Archetype and how can it help you?

Caroline Myss, a spiritual teacher and author who bases a substantial body of her work on archetypes, describes the concept on her website:

“Awareness of archetypes dates back at least to the time of Plato, who called them Forms. The great Swiss psychologist Carl Jung developed this idea further. For Jung, archetypes comprised psychological patterns derived from historical roles in life, such as the Mother, Child, Trickster, and Servant, as well as universal events or situations, including Initiation or Death and Rebirth.” 

One piece of my framework for healing that I’ve used on myself and my clients with great success is: True Awareness. We must be aware of ourselves at a deeper level so we can make empowered choices. 

Being conscious of how we express ourselves (speak our truth)...

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Musings of a Recent Insomniac

  1. The less sleep one has had, the more noisy it is during the wee hours. Example, a random person ringing our intercom at 4:50 am, after having randomly buzzed 6 other units in consecutive fashion. Don’t worry, no one let them in.

  2. The more I want to sleep, the more my cat wants me to play during the 3-5 am window. Example, pacing our bedroom, stopping at my side of the bed to meow, then going around to the other side to caterwaul at the cat next door, who also loves to jump onto their deck at 4:30 am.

  3. The more silence I need for sleep, the more noise everyone in the world likes to make. Example, starting up the lawnmower below my window at 8 am after I’ve just found a cozy window of sleep the hour before that.

  4. Sleep seems to be essential for a grumpy free existence.

  5. The hours between 3-5 am is the perfect time to mentally discuss all the characters in Downton Abbey.

  6. The more summery the season becomes, the louder and more enthusiastic the birds are. At 3 am.

  7. This list...
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My To Do List to Help the World (It's not what you think)

The chaos from the much needed changes happening in the world is overwhelming. 

Social media is filled with hysterical posts, mean posts, callous and unfeeling posts, posts about what to do, posts about what not to do, contradictory posts that says what others say you should do is the opposite of what you should do … and memes like this one which actually is my favourite.

As a white woman with a type A personality who suffered burn out more times than I care to count until I finally figured out how to take of myself ... who still wants to be anti-racist while fulfilling my life purpose of making the world a better place ... but this time without losing my sanity, physical strength and trust in humanity ... I’ve created an unconventional to do list that may surprise you (who doesn’t love a good list?): 

My To Do List to Help the World

This is not an exhaustive list and it is a process. I’ll be adding to it as needed. Read on for a sneak...

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How to Know If You’re Lying to Yourself (And What It’s Truly Costing You)

If you spend a lot of time rewriting your to-do list for the next day


If you like to be super prepared and organized before doing anything

If your family, partner, friends, boss or other obligations seem to take up all your time

You’ve been lying to yourself

If you tell yourself that you will get to what you really want tomorrow, or next week or next month


If you spend a lot of time saying affirmations, making vision boards or writing out goals, but they never seem to change your life


If you feel too tired, frustrated or emotionally drained to get to what’s really important to you

You’ve been lying to yourself

 

How to Know for Sure: Ways to Spot the Lie

Unexplained anxiety despite doing all the things


Chronic aches and pains that pop up every time you decide to move forward

Things go wrong and you have setbacks, bad luck and life feels overwhelming


You feel frustrated and angry because you never seem to get to where you want to go

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The Start of a Brilliant Future

With the social media and news space crammed with all the crises connected to the global pandemic, you may be looking for something different to focus your attention on.

What about your future? What do you want that to look like?

Who do you want to be when all is said and done?

This is my vision to help you get the creative juices flowing. Note: It encompasses EACH and EVERY animal, vegetable and mineral on the planet. I’m talking everyone, even non-coffee drinkers and Fruitarians.

Feel free to use my musings as the fuel for your forward motion!

  1. Clean air and water
  2. Fresh, organic food
  3. Safe, affordable and clean shelter
  4. Your community who does not exclude you for any reason, even your fascination with tiny furniture
  5. Freedom and space to roam and live as you please
  6. Feeling connected to all
  7. Freedom to be yourself, no matter how bad you are at karaoke
  8. Access to unlimited resources and support to follow your passions and pursuits—from wood whittling to stamp...
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A Note About Conspiracy Theories

If you’re spending copious amounts of time on social media like I am, you’ve probably come across the conspiracy theories about C-19. Although I’m into a good theory like the rest of us, I’m a little bit alarmed at what I’ve been reading.

First, let me give you a quick preamble on my background so you know I’m not a closed-minded arsehole with another opinionated blog about those crazy AF conspiracy theorists:

  1. I grew up with parents who traveled the world with their Tibetan Buddhist teacher, and later formed a nice little cult … I mean … community of families all learning about compassion and suffering while eating homemade bread and building cabins in the woods for our retreat centre.
  2. I learned about meditation, mantras, mandalas and reincarnation before I hit 10.
  3. I heard all kinds of stories about life, death and everything in between.

In other words, I’m open to pretty much anything. If you told me you were joining...

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How to Food Shop During the Coronvirus Pandemic

Please note: Since we are never sure if someone has hurled themselves off the edge of sanity or if they actually joking, I will ease your mind right now and tell you this is meant to be funny.

  1. When you arrive at the grocery store and there is a line up of people outside standing close enough to breath in each other’s neck musk, take a pause and ask yourself if this meets Coronavirus protocol. If someone approaches you and asks if you have change for the grocery cart, while thrusting a virus soaked five-dollar bill in your face, run to your car and lock the door.

  2. When you do finally arrive at an acceptably vacant store, sit in your car and survey the surroundings first. Watch for people parking too close to you or for anyone who is displaying signs of Corona Craziness (don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean). Exit your car while glancing repeatedly over your shoulder. Slip into the store.

  3. Make sure to leave your recyclable bags in the car, because now that...
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