Hint: it has nothing to do with the other person and the work you do before you even start dating is the most important
Face Your Truth
If you think I’m going to talk about being positive and doing your affirmations you may be pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised. No, this is the inner work that comes even before that. Before you get clear on who you want to be with and the type of person you want to have in your life, you need to look at what you are experiencing right now.
What is in your environment is a by-product of your beliefs about yourself, your family conditioning and past experiences. The way you live your life on a regular basis creates what you are experiencing right now.
Deep dive exercise:
Take out your journal and get real with yourself. Nothing good ever gets created from being unaware of yourself and your surroundings (emotionally, physically and spiritually). Here are examples of questions you can ask yourself to get to the reality of your life:
Today, I realized that we have things all wrong. The world is a messy entanglement of opposition, conflict and cancel culture. The popular response to most things we don’t agree with is to fight it out--see who can yell the loudest about who is right. The more divisive and mean the argument style, the more victorious the arguer seems to be. Like we used to say in high school: ooooh buuuurrrrnnn. We see this mounting callousness coming towards us like a runaway train. Yet, all we can do is look on in horror and shield our eyes.
Society seems to tell us the louder and meaner we can be, the better off we are. Well, guess what? That’s a race to the bottom. That’s why I’m sending out a plea to all my fellow people pleasers (I call you Empowered People Pleasers, or EPPYS for short). We need you to save the world.
Save, not Sabotage or Self-Abandon
Let me be clear, I don’t want you to run out and do what I did for the first 30ish years of my life:...
The People Pleaser Dilemma
If you’re a self-professed people pleaser like I am, you are sensitive and have big love to share! The problem is you also have a big fear that if you reveal your True Self, you will end up alone. So you do your utmost to twist into an emotional pretzel and make everything smooth in your relationships or potential relationships. When you abandon yourself to make others happy, they know this on some level and they either a) reject you or b) make you feel alone within the relationship. You are not experiencing true love and intimacy. Nobody is being real. So how do you turn this around to finally relax, be yourself and feel loved?
Be Aware of Your Heart
Easy to talk about, I know, believe me. I ignored my body from the neck down for the first twenty-three years of my life to the detriment of my relationships (all dysfunctional and painful), my body (chronic digestive and skin issues) and mind (negative outlook and mood swings) and soul...
Anxiety overshadows every area of your life. Not only do you wake up to waves of dread every morning …
When you go to work you feel like no one likes you …
You feel resentful of those who seem to have it so easy …
To top it all off, you’re exhausted by the constant aches and pains and lack of sleep!
So, you’ve taken the bull by the horns.
You decided that you’re not going to sit around and let the anxiety get the better of you.
You developed some ways to manage and cope with these terrible symptoms.
You feel pretty happy about it—they seem like good strategies and you are very dedicated to doing them every day.
The problem is: YOUR ANXIETY IS WORSE THAN EVER
WAKE UP CALL: These strategies are blocking you from healing your anxiety.
How? Because you are creating habits that pull you away from healing the root cause.
The root cause is the central limiting belief, thought pattern, habit, childhood wound and/or...
Here are some tips on how to navigate cringe-worthy conversations and interactions as an Empowered People Pleaser in the making. Yes, you CAN get there!
Welcome to my teens and most of my twenties. At the time I imagined myself on my deathbed, accommodating my loved ones, gasping out these words: "It's rush hour. No worries, I'll wait."
People Pleaser response: You roll your eyes, but of course you don't let the unscrupulous person see this—that would be rude!
Empowered People Pleaser response: “I was in front of you. The line is back there."