Are you aware of how people pleasing is influencing the types of relationships you have (or don’t have)?
Before I started my journey of self-empowerment, a friend of mine gave me a book by Melody Beattie on Codependency. I remember throwing it away in a huff. How dare she?! I’m a super nice person and anyone would be lucky to have me! I don’t have a problem with relationships, it’s just that there are no single guys in Vancouver (insert your city here). This is the kind of thinking that set me on a toxic relationship merri-go-round of dysfunctional relationships and long periods of isolation for 25+ years.
If you’re open and willing to learn about People Pleasing in a way that is not entirely pleasant, you can save yourself years of heartache! Read on for more.
Here is How People Pleasing Hurts Your Chances of Having a Loving Relationship (that you may not realize is even a thing!)
1. You take too long to get away from people who...
If you feel like no matter what you do, you attract the same relationships, keep reading!
I know how it feels when you try really hard to have a new experience in relationships and you meet an awesome guy, then two weeks later he turns out to be exactly like your ex.
Ugh.And you even went out and bought all those manifesting love candles and crystals, but the Universe got it SO wrong.
The problem is that you are trying to attract someone different but you haven’t found a different space within yourself. I’ve outlined a powerful process below that I’ve used to manifest the love of my life and I’ve helped my clients with as well.
Empowered Love Manifesting
Empowered Love Manifesting is bringing in the love that you want from a place of being aware, accepting and connected to yourself.
Empowered Love Manifesting brings you what you truly desire, not the people pleasing version of what you...
Happy New Year!! 2021 is Upon Us
As we breathe a collective sigh across the world, we welcome in the new year. You may have seen my blog post, talking about Bye Felicia 2020; today I want to give some tips on how to welcome in the new year so that you feel grounded, calm and open.
New Year Resolutions vs Intentions
Resolutions are quasi-promises we make to ourselves or someone else that is usually short lived. They have a vibe of “this will never happen anyway so I might as well promise that I’ll do it.”
Intentions are purposeful, powerful, energetic waves that are sent out into the world. An intention is poetry in motion and our intimate conversation with the Divine. There is no fear, there is no pressured promise. Only a strong wave of conviction that sets you up for success.
How to Make an Intention
This week my intention is to inspire you and help you see that life and love can be magical, no matter what is going on around you.
Last week I talked about the dumpster fire that is 2020 and this week I want to balance things out by infusing your life or just the next ten minutes, with positivity and happiness! I’m not talking about Pollyanna and her hyper-happiness. This is the good stuff, rooting in reality and awareness.
I had time with my fiance and he was still paid--in other words, he was working less time because of the pandemic but getting the same pay. I also had money when it was needed and kept my business running because it was online already. We had quality time together. No chaos and money drama like I’ve had in the past. If you had known me even 5 years ago, I would’ve been lamenting about missed payments, lost checks in the mail, unexpected expenses weighing me down, etc. Not anymore!
Are you ready to say Bye Felicia to the Dumpster fire that is 2020?
We CAN be grateful for things that shifted for the better this year and still be incredibly relieved to see the back end of 2020!
This is a review of my year so you can think about it for yourself and tune into what you want to take into 2021 and what you want to leave behind.
My 2020 in Review: Lessons and Ups and Downs
January: I decided to take my presently 100% online healing business to the streets. I mapped out the entire year for workshops, retreats and in-person venues. Feeling pretty excited and confident. I told my clients that I would be stopping 1:1 work and focusing on group experiences and in person work.
February: Finishing up with clients and making the transition to in-person life. Hearing grumblings of a strange flu in China. I decide to dismiss this as paranoia and hey, it’s China, so far away and hope all is well, but not going to let it worry me. We find out our dog...
These self-exploration exercises will help you get to the root of your patterns and dynamics so that you can improve your current relationship or attract a more loving and empowered relationship. In other words, answer the prompts either from current situations or your most recent or relevant relationship.
Be Truly Aware
I know it sucks and it’s not easy, but we need to see how we are perpetuating our own patterns in relationships. I’m not blaming the victim here: if you were abused it is NOT your fault. What I’m saying is that as an adult you have the ability to develop discernment and recognize warning signs of a relationship that may not be a loving or fulfilling one.
How many times have you had red flags about a relationship and you ignored them and pushed forward, only to have it turn out to be just like your last unhealthy relationship?
What is the theme in your relationships?
How to Identify the Relationship Patterns that Keep You from Having a Loving Relationship
If you read my last blog post, you now know what a Toxic Relationship Merri-Go-Round looks like. Mostly. I left out the in-between parts...
The Components of a Toxic Relationship Merri-Go-Round
The Toxic Relationship: relationships where you don’t feel safe to be your true self and/or where the other person takes up all the space and you feel invisible and small and unsafe.
The Isolation Period: you are single and licking your wounds from the last toxic relationship and feel afraid of attracting someone like that again; all you want to do is be alone and recover (this can last for years and decades--I had one that lasted 10 years)
Maybe This Time Will Be Different/Try Again: you’ve felt a surge of bravery and hope either from encouragement or you’ve turned a corner and did some healing work; you are ready to try again
Loop around to putting yourself out there and...
You Can’t Make This Stuff Up
My relationship roster reads like a cross between Princess Bride and Poltergeist; this is a mere smattering of the relationship milestones (the rest of the in betweens are an entire book). Hopefully, you will laugh and gasp along with me here, knowing that I have healed these deep wounds and found the love of my life. And also if this feels like it hits a nerve, I see you and offer my story as one of hope and transformation that is possible for you too.
#1 Sweet Car Thief
I had a ton of issues growing up and so it was no surprise that my very first boyfriend ever was a car thief. We were together for at least 2 years and in teenage love. My parents forbade us to see each other and I delighted in going behind their back to stay with him even longer. I remember his sense of humour and sweet personality. I could never reconcile the terrible things he became involved in and always told myself that deep down he was good, but got...
What is a True Soulmate?
If you’re anything like me you’ve followed Spiritual/New Age-ish teachers and websites where healers talked a lot about Soulmates. Back then (circa 2008), the idea of attracting your Soulmate terrified me. “Dark night of the soul” and “mirrors all your darkest stuff back to you” did not conjure up romantic walks on the beach and feelings of bliss. No one in their right mind would want to find a soulmate. That’s why as a Healer who has been around the block and suffered enough Dark Nights of the Soul to choke a horse, I am putting forward a more palatable definition of what I call a True Soulmate. And as someone who has found my True Soulmate, who lights up my life and we’re getting married in December, here is a definition you can go by. Your TRUE SOULMATE is someone who:
Hint: it has nothing to do with the other person and the work you do before you even start dating is the most important
Face Your Truth
If you think I’m going to talk about being positive and doing your affirmations you may be pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised. No, this is the inner work that comes even before that. Before you get clear on who you want to be with and the type of person you want to have in your life, you need to look at what you are experiencing right now.
What is in your environment is a by-product of your beliefs about yourself, your family conditioning and past experiences. The way you live your life on a regular basis creates what you are experiencing right now.
Deep dive exercise:
Take out your journal and get real with yourself. Nothing good ever gets created from being unaware of yourself and your surroundings (emotionally, physically and spiritually). Here are examples of questions you can ask yourself to get to the reality of your life:
As a sensitive person, learn to break the chains of your sensitivity, overwhelm and exhaustion to feel energetic and free to live as you truly want. Sign up for resources and support!