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My Top 5 Dumpster Fire Relationships (And How I Finally Broke the Cycle)

Nov 24, 2020

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

My relationship roster reads like a cross between Princess Bride and Poltergeist; this is a mere smattering of the relationship milestones (the rest of the in betweens are an entire book). Hopefully, you will laugh and gasp along with me here, knowing that I have healed these deep wounds and found the love of my life. And also if this feels like it hits a nerve, I see you and offer my story as one of hope and transformation that is possible for you too. 

#1 Sweet Car Thief 

I had a ton of issues growing up and so it was no surprise that my very first boyfriend ever was a car thief. We were together for at least 2 years and in teenage love. My parents forbade us to see each other and I delighted in going behind their back to stay with him even longer. I remember his sense of humour and sweet personality. I could never reconcile the terrible things he became involved in and always told myself that deep down he was good, but got turned around. My need for him to be who I wanted him to be outweighed the reality of his crimes and havoc that he wreaked on society. We broke up, not after I was arrested with him in a stolen car, not after I found out he was committing other crimes, but years later when I finally realized he was on a trajectory that I did not want to go on. 

#2 Handsome Doer

This guy was all smiles and friendliness. He lit up a room and you could hear him coming from a mile away with his booming voice. I had so much fun with him! He had hobbies upon hobbies AND he went skiing every weekend (driving 2 hours each way to get there). He never stopped doing and really wanted me to be a doer too. He used to always ask me: “What do you do?” 

This question stumped me every time and my people pleasing ways longed to give him a good enough answer. So, I took ski lessons. I tried to find a hobby. I tried to look busy. I hated every minute of it. All I wanted was to be me and sit there doing nothing if I wanted to. In the end, I was just not doing enough to keep him interested and we crashed and burned. But not before I proposed to him and he announced it to our workplace (we worked together), telling everyone that he was getting me a ring too. A year and a half later, still no ring for me, just a burning public humiliation after we broke up. 

#3 Crazy Pants 

This title is in no way making fun of someone with mental health issues. Let me explain. I met a very charming guy online and we hit it off right away. We spent hours laughing and talking together, like best friends. I liked him very much except there was something a bit odd about him. Since he was an artist, I chalked it up to his quirkiness and creativity. It wasn’t very long before the cracks in his sanity started to show through. He had a reaction or wrong dose to his anti-depressants and his pot smoking did not help. He arrived at my place one day wearing bright red women’s yoga pants that only came to his mid calf: his crazy pants. I was alarmed and terrified from the wild look in his eyes and his erratic behaviour. It took me days to convince him to go to the psychiatric ward to get checked out and when they told me he wasn’t in need of a bed (running out into traffic and jumping up and down on the spot were not good enough indicators apparently), I panicked. It took me months to convince the psychiatrist to get him off those medications and to get his family to come and get him (they lived in Europe). I had to cut all ties to him because I was physically and emotionally coming unraveled from the stress.  

#4 Twin Flame?

In 2009 I was really getting into my deep healing journey and loved listening to shows about spirituality and finding your twin flame. I fantasized about how amazing it would be if I actually met my twin flame. I did all kinds of meditations and special intentions to have this ultimate relationship that was like the holy grail of spiritual relationships. Around that time I met a spiritual healer who was quite well known and he had his own show. I called in and we talked; I felt a connection to him right away. I had a 1:1 session and we had an intense spiritual recognition with each other that was otherworldly. For the next few years I became more tangled up in codependency than I ever had in my life up until then. What kept me going against my intuition was the fantasy that he was my twin flame and no matter what we were meant to be together. Meanwhile, the entire relationship was dysfunctional on every level. I abandoned all my needs, values and goals in life and became obsessed with making it work against impossible odds. This relationship tore my heart open in a way I didn’t think was possible. Until the next relationship...

#5 Again?

A few years ago I returned to my hometown of Vancouver and it was very strange. I had been away for 10 years living in Toronto and traveling the world. Coming back home brought up very mixed feelings. I had returned because I was being called back home in a strong way. On the other hand, my neighbourhood growing up had been excessively violent and terrifying with gang wars and epidemic drug use and crime (downtown eastside is one of the worst known areas in North America some say, and I lived not far from the worst parts). East Van had a reputation and left me scarred. Looking back I realize that I hadn’t dealt with the shadow side of that upbringing in terms of my environment and so I got sucked back into the Bermuda triangle of East Van when I returned. I met and started dating the sweet car thief again. He wasn’t a car thief anymore and he had miraculously straightened out his life. The same strong feelings came back in a rush and we were off to the relationship races again. This time the drama involved his family and it was a doozy. The experience can only be described as riding a rollercoaster that careens straight off the track hurtling through the air, smashing to pieces as it hits the ground. After coming to, I felt more crushed than ever before. I had completely given up hope of ever having a normal relationship and sunk into a deep depression. 

Thankfully, I found the help I needed and had the most powerful surge of purposeful energy: I WILL NEVER ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN AGAIN! I screamed at the Universe. That energy and resolve is what propelled me to heal and direct all my energy into finding the love of my life who I met a year later and we’ve been together since. We’re getting married in the middle of a pandemic because we are blissfully and healthily in love with each other. We are living an awesome normal life and I couldn’t be happier. So, whether you have had experiences like mine or you just enjoyed reading about mine, I thank you for being here and I wish you the same level of love and happiness that I experience every day now. 

Looking for more support in a community of other empowered people pleasers in the making? Join my community! It’s completely free, and I share healing and empowerment techniques, strategies and stories on how to attract people into your life who will love you for who you are! Think of it like home, where you can relax and geek out on self-empowerment. Join below: Relationship empowerment for people pleasers


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