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How to Stop Getting Duped into Relationships with Narcissists

Oct 14, 2021

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to just write down your intentions to find a loving partner and then VOILA!-they immediately arrive?


That’s not what happened for me. 


Before I married the love of my life at age 46, I spent decades doing inner child healing, forgiveness work, vision boards, using crystals and I STILL attracted one narcissist and/or toxic relationship after another. In fact, it seemed like the more inner work I did, the more toxic my relationships became (true story). 


Over the years the shame compounded. I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t get this right. I internalized it and felt more and more worthless.


In 2010 I was a healer working with clients, helping them to heal. My clients loved what I did for them. Yet, I had a dirty secret: I couldn’t heal my relationships. I couldn’t attract a loving person into my life. 


I was still attracting narcissists, alcoholics, guys dependent on marijuana to function, and even those with mental illnesses (and I had to take a partner to the psychiatric hospital once). 


Not exactly something I wanted to talk about or have anyone know about. 


I didn’t get it:


I was super smart

I was successful

I was resourceful

I was strong

I was loving

I was powerful


But when it came to a personal relationship, I was making choices that felt messed up and shameful. 


Which is why now that I’ve healed this devastating pattern and I married the love of my life (I call him my unicorn, he’s that amazing!) at the age of 46, my mission in life is to help other empaths struggling with this pattern, finally attract true love. 


When I say true love I don’t mean fluffy Fairytales (although I do absolutely love Fairytales and Archetypes and Princess Bride). 


True Love means healthy, equal give and take, fulfilling, wake up in the morning smiling, your best friend, passionate and steamy, fun and 100% safe to be your true self relationship. 


So, how can you attract true love and stop getting caught up with narcissists?


I’ll be teaching in depth about the 4 Common Empath Patterns that Attract Toxic Relationships and how to shift them, in my upcoming webinar, Become a True Love Magnet: Avoid These 4 Patterns that Attract Toxic Relationships. Click here to sign up (it’s free)


Things you can do right now to start to shift this:


  1. Spend time getting to know yourself in the area of intimate relationships. What are your triggers? What is your relationship pattern? What does a loving relationship mean to you? If you could name an emotion that comes up as a toxic relationship theme, what would it be (ex. Disappointment, Feeling Insignificant)

  2. Once you know your triggers you can recognize right away when your buttons are being pushed. Example, You know that you can tend to get needy for affection or attention. If you meet someone where you suddenly feel like you want to do anything to get their attention or affection and you start to feel icky or out of integrity, stop and reassess. Is this a healthy interaction? How can you give yourself what you need so that you don’t twist yourself into an emotional pretzel trying to make someone else meet your needs?

  3. Tend to your wounds: now that you know the themes and core wounds, you can send them love. Do guided meditations, put your hand on your chest and send love to those parts of yourself, write in your journal and allow these wounds to have a voice.

  4. Get support to work through the patterns to become stronger in your core around True Awareness (the first pillar of my framework for empaths to attract true love). 


It may not seem like it but these relatively simple (although not easy) exercises, will give you a deeper understanding of yourself which translates to personal power and choice. You will recognize yourself and it will be more obvious when something is amiss or you are dating someone who does not have your best interests at heart. 


I would love to hear your insights on this blog! What parts resonated most with you?


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