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Are you on a Toxic Relationship Merri-Go-Round?

Dec 01, 2020

How to Identify the Relationship Patterns that Keep You from Having a Loving Relationship

If you read my last blog post, you now know what a Toxic Relationship Merri-Go-Round looks like. Mostly. I left out the in-between parts...

The Components of a Toxic Relationship Merri-Go-Round

The Toxic Relationship: relationships where you don’t feel safe to be your true self and/or where the other person takes up all the space and you feel invisible and small and unsafe.

The Isolation Period: you are single and licking your wounds from the last toxic relationship and feel afraid of attracting someone like that again; all you want to do is be alone and recover (this can last for years and decades--I had one that lasted 10 years)

Maybe This Time Will Be Different/Try Again: you’ve felt a surge of bravery and hope either from encouragement or you’ve turned a corner and did some healing work; you are ready to try again

Loop around to putting yourself out there and boom--you find yourself in another toxic situation unbeknownst to you and seemingly out of nowhere. You are flummoxed and feel trapped and hopeless. 

Now take these components and picture a merri-go-round--you are spinning around these experiences and that’s why it feels like you always end up where you started no matter what. 

Why Me?

There are many reasons you may be stuck in this nauseating cycle. Here are some common ones: 

  1. You did not have any healthy models for relationships growing up.
  2. Your family members are narcissists and only took from you instead of allowing you to be you. 
  3. Your parents were happy but you never felt seen or heard. 
  4. You had traumatic events such as losing parents, going through war or separation (or your parents did) that led to deep fissures in your self-worth and sense of safety to love. 

Don’t give up hope, there is a way through this. 

The Turnaround

The first step to healing this core pattern is to recognize the entire pattern, big picture. Map out your relationships and find the emotional thread or experience. For example, it might be Betrayal or Abandonment or Rejection. 

Once you find the thread, commit to unraveling it. Write out an intention statement that declares you would like to heal this at its core. Invite in what your true desires are: A relationship where you feel loved and cherished for who you are. 

I did it and so can you. 

If you would like in-depth support and a safe space to do this deep transformational work, I recommend joining POW! Empowered People Pleaser Academy. Click below to learn more: 


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