1. Fear #1: If I say what I think, my friend will not like me and I will be rejected.
This fear is not just for high school students: people pleasers feel like this until they are old and grey. Because the number one goal of a people pleaser is to be liked, being liked takes precedence over being real. Depending on your level of fear as a people pleaser, you can play this out in an extreme way or a subtle way.
Subtle: You agree with your friend when she suggests restaurants, movies or activities because you have an unspoken agreement that you don’t disagree with your friend. You are able to express your emotions and have honest conversations otherwise.
Extreme: You are friends with someone who organizes and runs the whole premise of the relationship. In other words, your friend sets the pace, mood and context for everything. You don’t express true feelings and the friendship is one-sided and you feel unsupported.
2. Fear #2: My friend will get angry if I take up space or speak my truth.
It’s one thing to feel like you won’t be liked when you are honest; feeling afraid of other people’s anger is a whole separate topic. Again, people pleasers need to be liked as the number one goal. If they are liked it’s a slippery slope to maintain smooth, harmonious interactions on top of that.
Here’s how it plays out:
Make others happy: check.
When others are happy, you are safe: check.
Saying something that makes your friend angry: red alert.
The whole precarious ecosystem is blown to smithereens.
A lot of energy is taken up checking to make sure your friends are happy. This is where being an empath is essential. When a people pleaser can do a scan of the person emotionally (this may be conscious or unconscious), they know when there is balance and “all is well.” If a people pleaser senses a disruption, they adjust and start to soothe the emotional terrain.
So, with all this going on, when does the people pleaser get to express, interact or feel supported with their friend? Exactly never.
3. Fear #3: If I get Too Picky, I’ll End Up With No Friends.
People pleasers may have a tendency to be too comfortable with what they have already. In other words, they think that the friends they have are ok because what is the alternative? What if I’m being too fussy and I can’t attract a high calibre, supportive friend? What if I don’t know how to? Is there some secret to finding and keeping loving, supportive friends? What if I don’t have a clue how to go about the business of getting awesome friends? I’ll just be grateful for who is in my life and show compassion towards them for their shortcomings. They mean well.
Overturn your beliefs
What would happen if I asked the Universe for loving supportive friends?
What does being a supportive, loving friend mean to you? Write down 10 characteristics
What can I do today to enrich and elevate the friendships I have and also attract more loving people into my life? Write down your ideas and follow-through
Make a list of 5 affirmations and intentions for your friendships: Examples below
I am available for loving, mutually supportive friendships.
I intend to let the Universe show me how supported I am right now.
I intend to receive all the love and support of the Universe through friends, loved ones and family now.
Read these aloud every morning and get ready to invite in a whole new level of love and support into your life!
Next Steps: Are you struggling to find a relationship where you can be yourself and feel cherished? Take my fun quiz to get personalized tips to start attracting your loving, soulful relationship today! Click here to get started: What’s Your Disney Princess Love Attraction Archetype?