Read This If You're Single in February (And Sad AF About It)
Feb 17, 2021
How do you deal with being single: a) when you don’t want to be b) COVID makes everything weird c) this was supposed to be your year?
Regardless of the fact that plenty of people are in the same boat as you, Hallmark Cards, Lindt Chocolate and De Beers Diamonds want you to feel like you’re the only alien who hasn’t found someone to love yet.Before we continue, I want you to know a few things.
First of all, this post is not meant to solve all your problems (or any of them actually).
And this post may not change your life (I am OPEN to someone contacting me after reading this and being like, “omg, your post changed my life!”)
What my intention is with this post is to make you laugh and lighten the heaviness in your heart for a few minutes, like the Cat Lawyer video did: “I’m on live. I’m not a cat.” (seriously, if you haven’t seen the video I’m talking about, after you read this post, go watch it)
Here are my two cents on what it's like to be single when you don’t want to be, during Valentine's month: It sucks.
Things to be aware of as you read further:
- I will NOT tell you that all you need to do is love yourself.
- I will NOT tell you to look for the hidden blocks that keep you from meeting “The One.”
- And I certainly WILL NOT tell you how awesome it is to be single.
Ok let’s get to the good stuff. How to deal ...
Operation Survive Valentine’s Day/Month + Toolkit
- 1 box of tissues (let's not even try to deny that this won't be needed at some point).
- Netflix account or access to your 1990s DVD collection of Romantic Movies. For example, Pretty Woman or Titanic (don't go halfway on this; you want to use up all your tissues).
- Your favorite blanket and slippers, preferably unwashed so that you can feel especially sorry for yourself.
- Carbs (not the complex kind, the shitty kind).
- Chocolate (make sure you purchase these before Valentine's Day—you don't want to endure the pity stares of the well-meaning clerk at 7-Eleven when you unload a basketful of chocolate hearts, while obviously wearing your PJs under your coat).
- Your furry friend or alternatively, someone who won't try to talk you out of crying, wailing or otherwise making a fool out of yourself. You have every right to make a damn fool out of yourself.
- A large bottle of alcohol or a large bottle of sugary liquid or both.
- Call in sick with the stomach flu (as in you won't be able to stomach the Valentine's Day cheer at the office or virtual zoom parties)
- If you must interact with co-workers, show up in black with a veil over your face and tell everyone you had a death in the family (anyone with a brain in their head will not ask questions).
- Buy takeout for dinner—preferably Chinese food as this will be the only place where the staff is used to interacting with people wearing worn PJ bottoms.
- Watch the first movie (see above).
- Get angry and yell at the wall.
- Cry some more.
- Cry again because now you feel like a crazy person.
- Watch the second movie.
- Pass out on the couch and wake up with pillow indents plastered to your face and breathe a heavy sigh of relief. You made it!
Remember that no matter what you decide to do today and for the month of February, just love yourself. Kidding! You should've seen your face! That was a good one.
But seriously, I see you and I love you. Take this post with a grain of salt. I don't believe that every single person is destined to be miserable or that if you are single you are automatically unhappy. BUT, if you are sad about being single I believe in 100% embracing it!!
Looking for more distractions or reasons to cry and laugh and cry again? Take my quiz on my website: What is your Disney Princess Love Attraction Archetype?