How to Communicate Your Needs in a Relationship (Especially as a People Pleaser)

Feb 10, 2021

Communication is Key


This may seem like an overly simplistic point, but communication is one thing we seem to struggle with as a society. All you have to do is take a look at the shouting matches on social media to see that we are not the best communicators. Now add in a struggle to be yourself and feel safe and loved as a people pleaser, and you have a recipe for anxious or avoidant communication. 


What is Healthy Communication? 


Communication is akin to expression. When we communicate, we are telling ourselves and others who we are. If we have a fear of showing up as ourselves, we are not going to be able to communicate authentically and in a healthy way. 


To that point, healthy communication is about true awareness of self: 


What do I want? 

How can I express myself in the world that feels good? 

What is my message?

What needs to be taken care of?


What are the Fears that Stop Authentic Communication?


Fear of ridicule

Fear of rejection

Fear persecution

Fear of being made wrong


These are the biggies, but there are also nuances of these fears that pertain to your specific situation. The key is to become very attuned to your specific fears so you can invite them into the conversation.  Once you have clarity on this (through journaling, meditation or visioning), you can include the fear in part of what you want to say.


For example, I’m afraid that you’ll reject me when I say this, but …

I’m afraid that you will make fun of me when I say this, but …


The best way to overcome fears is to name them and claim them.  

Bring it all Together 


Acknowledge that you have struggles in being yourself and that this is part of what you are experiencing. It is ok to have this struggle. It is ok to have these fears. It doesn’t mean you can’t communicate. It doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to say what you feel and put your message out into the world. It doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to be heard.


Go forth and SPEAK YOUR TRUTH!


What are your biggest takeaways from this post? How will it change the way you communicate?


Next Steps: Are you struggling to find a relationship where you can be yourself and feel cherished? Take my fun quiz to get personalized tips to start attracting your loving, soulful relationship today! Click here to get started: What’s Your Disney Princess Love Attraction Archetype?



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