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Here are 3 Ways People Pleasers Can Attract a Partner Who Cherishes Them Without Losing Their Independence

Nov 10, 2020

Hint: it has nothing to do with the other person and the work you do before you even start dating is the most important

Face Your Truth

If you think I’m going to talk about being positive and doing your affirmations you may be pleasantly or unpleasantly surprised. No, this is the inner work that comes even before that. Before you get clear on who you want to be with and the type of person you want to have in your life, you need to look at what you are experiencing right now.

What is in your environment is a by-product of your beliefs about yourself, your family conditioning and past experiences. The way you live your life on a regular basis creates what you are experiencing right now.

Deep dive exercise:

Take out your journal and get real with yourself. Nothing good ever gets created from being unaware of yourself and your surroundings (emotionally, physically and spiritually). Here are examples of questions you can ask yourself to get to the reality of your life:

  1. Can I picture myself in a healthy, loving relationship right now? (not after “fixing” yourself, your home, your finances, your body, but right now). Is my home available for visitors (or in this COVID time, do I have a way of talking to someone--via Zoom or Facetime?
  2. Do I have time in my weekly schedule to devote to someone special? What time do I have to devote to myself?
  3. What am I doing on a daily basis to invite someone into my life? Examples can be interacting with other people, telling your friends you’re looking for a partner, sharing your life with people by talking to them or being part of a social conversation or network. 

Result after doing this True Awareness exercise: You will have a literal and clear picture of your readiness to devote time to yourself and your partner. You will see where you have not created an environment that is conducive to a nourishing partnership. Or maybe you will realize that you can have a partner, but it will not be a balanced interaction where you feel good and they feel good. 

Uncover Your Blind Spots

After looking at the obvious, tangible ways you are encouraging or discouraging a healthy partner to come in, you can look at the hidden element: your blind spots. Blind spots are the limiting beliefs, family patterning and wounds that you may not be aware are even affecting you. 

Deep dive exercise:

  1. Look at your parents and what they say on a regular basis about relationships and love. Trace it back to the relationships you’ve already had and see where you have created those circumstances. What are the themes?
  2. Trace out the main 2 feelings you have when you think about finding a healthy relationship. What is the baseline that comes up: frustration, discouragement, hopelessness. Or maybe it’s excitement, impatience and confusion.
  3. Look at Archetypes, either by having an Archetype card deck or googling Archetypes and see which ones resonate with you. Write out the themes and ways you relate to them. For example, the Martyr or the Child. The subconscious speaks to you through symbols which is why Archetypes are a very powerful way to communicate with the subconscious to bring those patterns that aren’t serving you to the surface.

Result after doing this True Awareness exercise: you will uncover the hidden elements that make up the majority of your beliefs about relationships and what you deserve or what is possible. 

Discover Your Kryptonite

If you’ve ever seen Superman, you will know that Kryptonite is the only substance that would weaken his powers. He was unable to use his powers when he was exposed to Kryptonite. If you look at this metaphor in terms of triggers, it makes a lot of sense. When we are in contact with our emotional triggers and wounds, we are powerless. If you’ve ever been in a scenario that reminds you of the giant fight you had with your mother before leaving home, you’ll know that you cannot operate from your power while under the influence of this trigger. 

The good news is that once you pinpoint your biggest triggers you can work with them and lessen their influence so you can actually attract what you want and express yourself at a level that brings in the kind of loving, harmonious relationship you desire. 

Deep dive exercise:

  1. In what situations do you feel the most nervous or vulnerable?
  2. What scenarios or types of people do you avoid?
  3. What happens when you are forced to remain in a situation that makes you feel nervous and vulnerable (back against the wall)?

Result after doing this True Awareness exercise: You will know what your triggers are and what toll they have taken on you. You will have a clear understanding of what needs to be healed and dealt with so you can be your True Self and attract a partner who cherishes you without losing your independence. 

Looking for more support in a community of other empowered people pleasers in the making? Join my community! It’s completely free, and I share healing and empowerment techniques, strategies and stories on how to attract people into your life who will love you for who you are! Think of it like home, where you can relax and geek out on self-empowerment. Join below: Relationship empowerment for people pleasers


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