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3 Surprising Ways People Pleasing is Hurting Your Chances of a Loving Relationship (And What to Do About It)

Jan 20, 2021

 Are you aware of how people pleasing is influencing the types of relationships you have (or don’t have)?

Before I started my journey of self-empowerment, a friend of mine gave me a book by Melody Beattie on Codependency. I remember throwing it away in a huff. How dare she?! I’m a super nice person and anyone would be lucky to have me! I don’t have a problem with relationships, it’s just that there are no single guys in Vancouver (insert your city here). This is the kind of thinking that set me on a toxic relationship merri-go-round of dysfunctional relationships and long periods of isolation for 25+ years.

If you’re open and willing to learn about People Pleasing in a way that is not entirely pleasant, you can save yourself years of heartache! Read on for more.

Here is How People Pleasing Hurts Your Chances of Having a Loving Relationship (that you may not realize is even a thing!) 

1. You take too long to get away from people who aren’t right for you

People pleasing is all about trying your best in everything you do. If something isn’t working it’s your job to try and try again until it’s right. Think back to when you dated a guy who was all wrong but you wanted to make absolutely sure, just in case. For an additional 6 months-2 years, missing out on the greatest love of someone who is waiting for you around the corner.

 2. You are compassionate, to a fault. 

People pleasers have huge hearts. They are usually very sensitive and can feel what others are going through better than what they themselves are going through. So, you know that the guy is going through a whole bunch of stuff and you need to support him (or her). You are so exhausted from helping them all the time that you have no time to see that your relationship is crap. Or you know that he is not right for you, but you feel his pain so much that you can’t bear to leave him alone to suffer. If you weren’t with this guy, you would have the energy and freedom to be with someone who is the love of your life. 

3. You feel like People Pleasing is No Big Deal and Just Means You Are Overly Polite/Nice

People Pleasing is a chronic inability to make choices that are self-loving. People Pleasing overtakes your life in a life long pattern of not getting what you want or having your needs met which leads to depression, anxiety and loneliness. Not to mention keeping you in relationships that are dissatisfying at best and soul-sucking and harmful at worst. Or you feel so incapable of making good choices for yourself that you end up alone. 

The good news is that it is possible to overcome this and have loving relationships in your life where you feel cherished and adored for who you are. You can be empowered and still have a loving and open heart. You can feel confident being yourself. I have made this amazing transformation in my life and I’ve helped hundreds of people around the world do the same. 

The key is to stop downplaying the pattern of People Pleasing and get ready to face the truth about how it’s effecting you. Are you willing to make a change and get the help you need?

Next steps

Ready to find out more about yourself and what type of love you’re looking for?

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